999

All the emergency services do an amazing job rescuing people and saving lives, as much as we admire them no one really want’s to be in the position to need their help and we don‘t expect them to show up unexpectedly at opportune times either.

One beautiful sunny day I was preparing to go out for dinner later that evening and took a long leisurely bath, My two daughters had gone out, I didn’t hear them return home with a couple of their friends. I’d often warned them to stay out of the loft, it was just a storage area with beams across the place. Being mischievous and bored they ignored my orders and went up with their friends thinking they wouldn’t get caught.
Skylarking around in the loft they accidentally jammed the door shut and couldn’t get out so screamed and yelled for help. Out of the bath I sat in my bedroom singing away drying myself blissfully unaware of the drama going on above me at the opposite end of the house.

I was sitting on the bed drying my hair and didn’t hear the bedroom door open, I looked round and saw three fully equipped firemen pile into the room.
Leaping up in shock the bath towel fell to the floor leaving me stark naked and the firemen open mouthed in amazement. I’d like to say it was my fantastic body that left them dazed but I fear it was sudden unexpectedly loud screaming and screeching with a few unladylike questionable obscenities thrown in that did it. Being firemen a assume they face many harrowing situations a manical naked female with dripping hair screaming at them to get out is probibly one of them. The remains of decorum prevented me turning back on them to bend down to collect the towel, instead time stood still till at last one of the officers finally remembered his professionalism and the reason for their appearance, "we're here to help damsels in distress" he said cheerfully.
Blasted girls!! Only one of them had a mobile, it didn't have credit so they pressed the free emergency number instead.


I was still feeling mortified several weeks later, when early one morning I was cleaning out the filter tray in the tumble dryer when I spotted a 20 pence piece stuck in a gap at the bottom of the filter space. You don’t live in Scotland without gaining some Scottish traits and not wishing to throw away money is mine. Gingerly squeezing my hand down I grabbed the coin feeling quite clever and smart, till I realised fishing around in such a small space had caused my hand to swell and I couldn’t get it out, the more I wiggled the worse it got. The phone was in the living room and I just couldn’t drag the machine through the doorway, in inspiration I dragged it to the back door, opened it and started yelling towards my neighbours house for help.

I’d been there over an hour my hand throbbed and I was very irritable when at last a different neighbour passed I sighed with relief. “Be with you in a minute dear”, he said called over the fence before disappearing, I waited and waited but he didn’t come back, instead the front door was thrust open and in walked…three fire men. The same three who'd from a few weeks earlier! This time I was dressed in a short flimsy I was dressed in a flimsy night dress, with a dish towel embossed with the words "Always look on the bright side". That side was most definately my cheeks, which were redder than a babies bottom though doubtfully not as soft as one, I hadn't applied the morning moisturiser. They didn’t bat an eye lid instead set to work dismantling my machine and trying to free me. After a lifetime of semi silence on my part (anyone who knows me will agree that's most unusual), and cheerful chatter from them my hand was finally free from the carnage of what was once a tumble dryer. One of the firemen held out the 20 pence coin, with a wink and a grin he said “ you’re a lot quieter than last time we saw you love, but just as lovely, we'll give you a knock before we come in next time".

Like I said the emergency services are great, I just hope I don’t the them, or them see me again any time soon!